i lost my mom to cancer almost six years ago and still, not too many days go by that i don’t think about her…her kindness of spirit, her giving nature towards everyone, her infectious happiness. it used to be that mother’s day brought to light the emptiness of her loss, but now it reminds me of all the gifts and the light she brought to all of us during the very short time we were blessed to have her with us. so, on this mother’s day 2010 i want to share some of the lessons she passed on to me; that have shaped the person i have become and continue to aspire to be…
{this is NOT a dress rehearsal}
one of mom’s favorite sayings and one she lived true to. we’ve been given one body, one soul, one all too short life…why waste a drop of it? make every minute of each day count, learn something new, wake up thankful and go to bed each day feeling blessed and if you feel that life has become a rut, reflect on what you can change and find the happiness. when it’s your last day on this earth, don’t you want to look back and feel you have lived a full, rich life…that you have felt true happiness?
{this too shall pass}
during some difficult rounds of chemo, mom wouldn’t be feeling her best. i remember trying to help her find something she could eat, help her rest and she never complained…not ONE SINGLE TIME…ever. the only thing she would say when she felt her crummiest was {this too shall pass}. in all of life we will have the good and bad times and they will shift between the two as nothing ever stays static for too long. the trick is to fully embrace and enjoy the ride when it’s good and accept, with grace, when the road is difficult. even when you think you can’t take another step or go on another day…the knowledge that the worst of times won’t last forever and there will be good again gets us through.
{life is messy…don’t worry about trying to clean it all up}
have fun, play around, spend time with the kids building mud pies, don’t worry so much about them tracking the mud into the house. they won’t care that the house is perfectly clean…they’ll only care that they had your attention and loving time…and you’ll be glad you had that time as well because the teen years will come along all too soon and you’ll be chasing after them to get them to play with you…let alone notice you even exist in the world.
{family comes first…this is non-negotiable}
work wants attention, school wants attention, friends want attention, the bills want attention, the dog wants attention…sometimes it seems like the minute you wake up until the minute you go to sleep, life wants pieces of you until you think there’s none left to give. but above all these things, tasks, “to-do” lists comes your family. family is the greatest gift, the strongest bond and the people who will always be by your side…no matter what…with unconditional love. give of yourself first to the ones we love and hold dearest. the rest of the world can wait.
{laugh, play, be a fool sometimes}
what’s the purpose of living life if we’re not really living it? if we’re too careful to act a certain way, to refrain from saying what we really feel in our hearts, to hold back moments of pure joy and to stifle the need to feel profound sadness. that’s not living; it’s going through the motions. so no matter how wild the ride is…enjoy it fully and embrace the highs and lows. sometimes you may feel foolish or goofy, but no matter cause in the end you will be all the richer for the experience.
{share your love fully, without reserve}
this was my mother’s gift to those who were lucky enough to have know her. she gave fully of herself because she truly loved people. she taught me to never be afraid of love or shy away from it but rather to move towards it and hold on tight. to give completely of your heart is the deepest form of connection we can have as humans in this lifetime. and it’s not about what you get in return…it’s about unselfishly giving without a thought of getting something back. when you truly love someone the satisfaction comes from knowing you brought them, even a little slice, of happiness.
{never judge, keep an open mind and open heart to everyone}
you never know what amazing people you can meet in this world if you don’t give people a chance. never, never make snap judgments on a person’s character and always let them have the opportunity to be themselves and show the goodness that’s inside of them. you may not agree on things they believe or think but that doesn’t mean you can’t love them anyway. you come to love the essence of which a person is not just what’s on the surface. getting to know someone takes time and patience. take that time because you never know when you may be meeting someone who will have a profound impact on the rest of your life.
these are just a few of the many, many gifts my mom shared with me and the rest of the world. i couldn’t possibly list them all…that would take at least one book. i now pass these on to my three children. i will never perfect them and they will develop in me in their own way…as they will for my children. but i carry them in my heart as i carry all the cherished memories of my mom with me always.
i love you with all my heart…
this photograph is for you mom…a silly, beautiful, fun moment with aidan. it’s not glamorous or staged but a genuine moment of us having a blast…living it out loud!
by rachel
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